Spoiled

My kids are spoiled and it's my fault.

When we tell them to do something, they don't obey. They argue, they stall, they ignore. Sometimes, they defy.

Not every time, of course. They're not monsters, not Veruca Salt, just, well... they've learned to game the system.

They know that we adults are busy, tired, and limited. We'll be persistent enough to follow through and make them do it much of the time. But sometimes we can be distracted. We might forget, or reconsider, or just be too tired to push it.

And, unlike my wife and me, they are consistent. They wear us down.

Recently, we had a family clean-the-house day. We worked pretty steadily from 10 am to about 5 pm. The kids were given appropriate tasks for their ages, with lots of breaks, lots of supervision and direction, and it was ultimately a successful day. Not a lot of fun, though.

Ethan lost his temper and got dramatic near the end of the day. Elleri whined and pouted pretty consistently all day long. Both needed far more intervention than I think they should have in order to do a decent job. They both worked, ultimately, but they made it hard on everyone, themselves included.

My kids are utterly unused to working. So much so that they feel oppressed and abused when they have to do any work at all.

We've also noticed, recently, that they're spending too much time in front of screens. Computers, video games, movies, and TV. They seem to be under the impression that these screen-based activities are basic and essential rights. They are outraged that any 'abusive' work might interupt or interfer with these screen activities.

So, no more of that stuff for a while. They're grounded from anything with a screen. No computer, no Wii, no TV, no Netflix, no Nintendo DS. Nothing.

They can watch a show with their parents once in a while. That's it. Until further notice.

They'll be doing chores every day after school, and working on their homework. We'll have other activities, like reading, and learning about stuff, and helping mom and dad with all that needs done. And when their behavior has improved significantly, we'll re-introduce screen activities in a careful and controlled fashion. A little bit at a time, until we found a healthy balance.

I explained this to both kids. It felt like a good parenting moment. They seemed to understand and accept this new paradigm. I felt like I had a good plan, and it was already under way. We talked about this stuff for maybe 20 minutes and they really seemed to get it. They were with the program. Maybe they realized that this would mean more direct quality time with their parents, and they instinctively know that's what they need.

"Good," I said. "Now it's time to get ready for bed. Go brush your teeth."

"Uhgg! Daddy, I don't want to. Do we have to brush our teeth now? I'm not even tired." Elleri whined.

"First, I'm going to get some more to eat." Ethan said, and immediately headed for the kitchen.